Animal Jokes (from WILD magazine)

 

Submit your animal joke to WILD@cwf-fcf.org for the chance to have it published in WILD magazine!

 

Mammal Jokes

 

(Q) What do you call a bear with no teeth?

(A) A gummy bear

 

(Q) What is a beaver’s favorite snack?

(A) Trees and crackers

- Simon Funk, Abbotsford, BC

 

(Q) What did the beaver say to the tree?

(A) Nice gnawing you!

- Luke Robert, Dartmouth, NS

 

(Q) Why do bears sleep in the winter?

(A) Because they don’t own an alarm clock

- Amanda Dicker

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross a big fat jolly guy with a wolf?

(A) Santa Claws

- Ben Levy

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?

(A) Winnie the P-ew!

 

(Q) What animal needs an unmbrella?

(A) A reindeer

- Kyle Rotenberg and Mary Shabber

 

(Q) What does the door of the mouse’s house say?

(A) Squeak!

- Jenny Moffit, Bancroft, ON

 

(Q) What kind of animal can you eat for dessert?

(A) Chocolate Moose

 

(Q) What do you get when you mix chocolate and smart animals together?

(A) Animal smarties

- Kira Bates, Regina ,SK

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

(A) Pop!

 

Dog and Cat Jokes

 

(Q) What happens when a cat eats a lemon?

(A) It becomes a sour puss!

- David Bastien-Robert, St-Lazere, QC

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross and dog with a cat?

(A) An animal that’s scared of itselft!

- Erin McLearn, Kentville, NS

 

(Q) Why didn’t the computer work after the cat was on it?

(A) Because the cat ate the mouse

- Sondra Martin, Squamish BC

 

(Q) How does a dog row a boat?

(A) With a dog paddle

- Carly Harris

 

(Q) What kind of dog loves to take baths?

(A) A shampoodle

 

(Q) Who was the first cat to come to America?

(A) Christo-fur Colum-puss!

- Shannon, Arnold, ON

 

(Q) Why don’t dogs like to get on the scale?

(A) They hate dog pounds

- Kyle Rotenberg, Richmond Hill, ON

 

(Q) What did the dog say about the sandpaper?

(A) Its kind of ruff!

 

Farm Animal Jokes

 

(Q) What do cows listen to?

(A) Moo-sic!

 

(Q) What do you call a cow that falls asleep by the fire?

(A) Roast beef

- Matthew Lau, Pembroke, ON

 

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Goat

Goat who?

Goat to the door and find out!

 

(Q) Where’s a cow and bull favorite spot for a first date?

(A) The mooovies

- Josiah Thompson, Ponoka, AB

 

(Q) What constellation looks like a pig

(A) The Pig Dipper

- Mykala Penrod, Warner, AB

 

Jungle Animal Jokes

 

(Q) Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

(A) Have you seen the size of their fingers?

 

(Q) What don’t they play cards in the jungle?

(A) There are too many cheetahs

 

(Q) What do apes sleep in?

(A) Apricots

 

(Q) What do you call a monkey that spins webs?

(A) A spider monkey

- Austin Baron, Warner, AB

 

(Q) What do you call an exploding monkey?

(A) A ba-boom!

- Tom Laroche, Burlington, ON

 

(Q) What do furry, grey Australian marsupials like to drink?

(A) Coca-Koala

- Yannick Grignon, Reaboro, ON

 

(Q) What did the lioness say her friend before they went out hunting?

(A) “Let us prey”

 

(Q) What’s grey, wrinkled, and lights up?

(A) An electronic elephant

- Courtney, Warner, AB

 

(Q) Why did the monkey wash his hair with soap?

(A) Because he didn’t have any chimp-oo

 

(Q) What do call a crying camel?

(A) A humpback wail

 

Fish Jokes

 

(Q) What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?

(A) Swimming trunks

 

(Q) What fish only swims at night?

(A) A starfish

 

(Q) Which fish can perform operations?

(A) Asturgeon

- Finn Kylie, Stittsville, ON

(Q) What do you call a fish no eye?

(A) Fsh

 

(Q) Why do fish live in salt water?

(A) Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

 

(Q) What is a whale’s favorite card game?

(A) Go fish!

- Case Noordermeer

 

(Q) How do you cut the sea in half?

(A) With a sea-saw!

- Richmond Sinal, Halifax, NS

 

(Q) Have you ever seen a fish cry?

(A) No! But I’ve seen a whale blubber!

- Portia Kuchka, Warner, AB

 

(Q) What do sharks eat with jellyfish?

(A) Peanut butter

- Talia Kierstead

 

(Q) Why are computers like sharks?

(A) They both have megabites!

- Gavin Klorfine

 

(Q) What has a bed but does not sleep, a mouth but does not speak?

(A) A river

- David Bastien, St-Lazare, QC

 

Bug Jokes

 

(Q) Why do bees have sticky hair?

(A) Because they use honeycombs!

- Madelaine Smiciklas, North Vancouver, BC

 

(Q) What’s the biggest moth in the world?

(A) A mammoth

 

(Q) What do bees chew?

(A) Bumble gum

 

(Q) How do u know you’ve found a tough mosquito?

(A) When it slaps you back

 

(Q) What do get when you cross a rabbit with a mosquito?

(A) Bugs Bunny

 

(Q) What did the spider do on the Internet?

(A) Built a website

 

(Q) How do snails keep their shells shiny?

(A) They use snail polish

- Nicolas Klein, Winnipeg, MB

 

(Q) Why did the fly put butter all over himself?

(A) Because he wanted to be a butter-fly!

- Sandra Yu, North York, ON

 

(Q) What’s a bee’s favorite game?

(A) Hive and Seek!

- Julia Gleb, Richmond Hill, ON

 

(Q) What do you call a snail on a ship?

(A) A snailer

- Cameron Green, Midhurts, ON

 

(Q) What is a butterfly’s favorite food?

(A) Butter

- Sydnie Watson

 

(Q) How did the firefly feel when he hit the fan?

(A) De-lighted

-Emelia Cooper

 

Reptile and Amphibian Jokes

 

(Q) What do you get when cross a huge snake with a yellow fruit?

(A) A banana-conda

 

(Q) What animal has more lives than a cat?

(A) A frog – It croaks every night

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog?

(A) A croaker spaniel

 

(Q) What sound does a snake make?

(A) It whisssspers

(Q) What kind of tiles don’t stick on the bathroom wall?

(A) Reptiles

 

(Q) What is a toad’s favorite ballet?

(A)  Swamp lake

 

(Q) What happened when the frog’s car broke down?

(A) It got toad away

 

(Q) What do you get when a dragon jumps on the ocean?

(A) A heat wave

- Taylor Atkins, Warner, AB

 

(Q) What do you call a picture of a crocodile?

(A) A snap shot

- Sage Barker, Hamilton, ON

 

(Q) What do you get when you cross an iguana and an avocado?

(A) An iguana eating guacamole

-Kathryn Green, Chester, NS

 

(Q) What’s a frog’s favorite game?

(A) Croak-anol!

- Sage Baker, Hamilton, ON

 

(Q) What’s the most dangerous flower in the garden?

(A) The snapdragon

 

(Q) What do you call animal that loves candy?

(A) A chocodile!

- Yannick Grignon, Reaboro, ON

 

(Q) What do get If you flush a triceratops down the toilet?

(A) A dino-sewer

- Leavi Baugh, Warner, AB

 

(Q) What did the Allosaurus use to blow things up?

(A) Dino-mite!

- Tristan Virostek, Warner, AB

 

(Q) What do you call a laid-back lizard?

(A) A calm-eleon

 

Bird Jokes

 

(Q) What did the duck say to the waitress?

(A) “Put it on my bill!”

- Madelaine Smiciklas, North Vancouver, BC

 

(Q) What did the farmer say about the flock of unruly ducks?

(A) “Those ducks are driving me quackers!”

- Hannah Kyler, Warner, AB

 

(Q) Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they are flying?

(A) Because they would quack up

- Rochelle Stinger, Orangeville, ON

 

(Q) Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

(A) Because it was chicken

- W. Inglis

 

(Q) What number can fly?

(A) Toucan!

- Sage Baker, Hamilton, ON

 

(Q) What’s a chicken’s favorite kind of gum?

(A) Chicklets

- Josiah Thompson, Ponaka, AB